July 7th 2009

I had another story to tell about July the 7th. Late-late again but hey I was somewhat tied up with my thesis work and then a little bit of this and that. I got so much on my plates right now that I'm quite overwhelmed, everything just rushing to a bottleneck. God knows when my brain goes to a screeching halt! Dear brain, plz bear with me! I've been looking up for the meaning of life these days. What's in it actually for us? I got various conflicting versions of it from various sources but none really convincing enough to give me the 'eureka' vibe. Argh..and as I keep pondering I grow older and maybe hopefully hopeful. The universe keeps expanding if the expansion theory is right, the time-machine that we're in propels us through into the future every second. And, we get to be cast in pre-programmed movie sequences. Now whether you can change those sequences through freewill is beyond me. I should be lucky to and rather happy in playing my role in the movie! Well, what's the point I'm trying to make anyway??? Pffttttttt....

Anyways, the time-machine lands me on to the 7th of July 2009. A good reminder that I need to workout what role I'm playing in the movie. The script doesn't say anything about my role, at least not yet. I begin the day first with wishes from a special someone, which shows how much one human being cares for another. This apparently is due to love that one person feels for another. FYI-Love is a very very complex program that you don't want to delve too much into. There are just a zillion variables and the program just executes itself in response to all these variables. Sometimes leading to a pretty scenario and sometimes not. Some kind of a self -modified program perhaps? A virus? Now, then there were other people who wished me throughout the day. Even my new colleagues at work. This is apparently due to a different strain of love. It was a lovely feeling, to be remembered, to be cared for, to be 'loved'. Especially to know that people even make the effort to find your phone number from others just to let you know that they remember the day you began existing.

I didn't meet up with any of my friends nor did I do any of the other things I usually do on the day. However, I did meet the special someone, only so briefly. And, I rushed home after work just to spend a good portion of the day with my family. Oddly enough no one at home seemed to notice that they had forgotten the usually well remembered 7th of July. I couldn't conjure up any reason. I frantically searched my mind to decipher this. I felt a certain something which put into words sounds something like ,"Nobody loves me". Causality, in it's weirdest form! A series of interlinked reactions lead me to a very depressing, hollow state of worthlessness. All triggered by this primary feeling of " Nobody loves me". .... But before the complexity got more complex, it dissolved. Yes, it was all due to a group of people trying to surprise you with a 'surprise', not because they didn't love you, but because they really loved you. I didn't come home late as they expected. So, an artificial blackout and a flipping the lights on, and shrieks of 'Happy Birthday' just didn't materialize. Their little surprise program didn't execute as they anticipated. Would it conflict if it executed as such within the much bigger program? But, who cares? At the end of the day I know......" Everyone loves me"..................